He thought that he had his emotions under control, and his hair often stood on end, but he thought that he had that under control too. He prided himself on how tough his skin was. When they eventually went out again, he asked her, “Do you really like men?” When Pauline hesitated, he said, “All men are not the same. I know you agree. For example, take Herr Lippert: he wouldn’t have accepted rejection like I did. He would’ve been more insistent. I’m not a modern man. There’s no such beast. It doesn’t matter who you are: Christian or Jew. In that regard we’re more alike than I thought. Now I’ve contradicted myself.”
She said, “I’ve told you my life story, but you’re not my priest.” So obviously she had something to hide.
Then changing topics he said, “You’re something else. I know you like me.”
“I like men.”
“That’s a good thing. I admire your strength.” As she looked at him, she wondered what prompted his comment “I mean…”
“You don’t need to explain.”
He had looked forward to this evening. He was perfectly dressed, from top to toe, in an expensive-looking Knize suit with a tie to match; his shoes made of calf leather were custom-made and bespoke of wealth. Pauline wondered whom he was trying to impress.
Frederick, passing her the rolls, asked, “Why did you marry your husband?”
She said, “We were young and impetuous.”
Frederick asked, “How young?”
“My, what’s with you tonight? I’ve never seen you dressed like you are. I knew you came from a notable family, perhaps royalty and that made all of your work at the Obdachlosenhein suspect. I knew from the beginning that you were after something. In that way all men are the same. You should’ve seen yourself, and you should see yourself now, so it’s hard for me to take you seriously.”
Frederick asked, “Then don’t I remind you of someone?”
Pauline said, “Yes, of course you do. But it all ended with the war. For most of us, it was the end of civilization. We were rich and fetish in Vienna, and we ruled an empire. We didn’t know how rich we were. Then with the war it was hard to adjust. But of course, you know this. It was hard without our husbands. Many of us had to work for the first time. Others…others were caught in situations that we now regret. When you have to go looking for…for…let’s say a livelihood…you can make mistakes.”
“Mistakes? Yes, mistakes were made. And mistakes are being made now. I’ve made mistakes. You’ve made mistakes. Everyone makes them. So?”
“So. Like I said, you’re not my priest and let’s leave it at that.”
Frederick said, “My sister had to marry someone she doesn’t love.”
“That’s too bad. I still hope she finds happiness.”
“She’s made the best of it.”
“We generally do.”
“Females are amazing.”
“Stick and stones may break our bones but…so your sister finds herself in an unhappy marriage. That’s how we’ve learned how to spade…you know…spade…spade as in gardening. Sometimes the ground is very hard. But I’m not saying your sister should stay in an unhappy marriage. I however can’t speak for her. Thank God for the war! God, I can’t believe what I just said.”
Frederick said, “This woman is trying to put one over on me. It’s what you’d expect.”
“I don’t think men have a clue what women go through. And I think that if we could do without them we would. They were bred a certain way. It’s all the fault of a recessive gene. Not many people know that.”
“I’ll ask Herr Freud the next time I see him.”
Randy Ford
